Summary: In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we stress the importance of becoming Christ-like in our behavior and we stress the importance of keeping the commandments of God. In addition to this, we have opportunities to teach this message to others in the callings we have. As such, we’ve come to have a good understanding of what God expects of us, and most Latter-day Saints strive to live the gospel of Jesus Christ as best they can. But even so, it is too easy to see the faults in others while being blind to some of our own. This article examines this tendency of human nature and what we can do to overcome it.
In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we stress the importance of becoming Christ-like in our behavior and we stress the importance of keeping the commandments of God as the way to do that. As members, we listen to many talks given by our church leaders, both at the general and local levels reminding us what those commandments are and encouraging us to live them in our personal life.
In addition to this, we serve in callings where we teach this message to others and have the opportunity to occasionally stand at the pulpit and deliver a sermon encouraging others to live the commandments. As such, we’ve come to have a good understanding of what God expects of us, and for this reason, most Latter-day Saints strive to live the gospel of Jesus Christ as best they can.
Of course, none of us are perfect, and despite our best efforts, from time to time we all fall short of doing what we know we should. That’s normal and to be expected. But what is also normal is to easily see the faults in others while being blind to some of our own.
For example, we’ve been told quite frequently to be kind to others, and there are many times when we do that, but there are other times, such as when someone upsets us, that we might react by not being as kind as we should.
We see this happen most commonly when people get into an argument, especially with married couples. As anger increases, words will be said that are intended to hurt the other person. Because this is such a normal reaction, most people don’t think they are doing anything wrong when they behave this way. In many cases, in their mind they feel justified in the way they react.
Another example is honesty. All Latter-day Saints will agree that we should be honest in everything we do, but some will think nothing of telling a lie to cover up a mistake they’ve made, nor will they think it’s stealing when they take some of their company’s office supplies home with them.
There are many Latter-day Saints who hold a temple recommend who also hold a grudge against someone who has offended them, or who are judgmental of others, or who argue with those whose views they disagree with, or who exhibit a holier-than-thou attitude towards those they think are not living the gospel as they should.
The apostle Paul told the Romans, “Therefore thou art inexcusable, O man, whosoever thou art that judgest: for wherein thou judgest another, thou condemnest thyself; for thou that judgest doest the same things” (Romans 2:1).
To one degree or another, all of us commit these kinds of sins, and even though Jesus asked, “why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye?” (Luke 6:41), all of us are quick to see the faults of others, while being blind to some of our own faults.
However, should someone be asked if they’re practicing what they preach, most of them will say they are and point to the many examples in their life of how they’re living the gospel. Yet they tend not to remember those times when they weren’t kind to others, or weren’t honest, or were contentious. It’s normal for us to remember the good things about ourselves, but many times we don’t remember the bad things we’ve done. It’s as though we have selective memory.
We see this tendency when people relate unpleasant incidents they’ve had with others. What most generally happens is that when someone tells the story, they portray themselves as the innocent victim who’s been wronged by the other person. Yet, when the other person talks about the same incident, they portray themselves as being the innocent victim. In nearly all cases, the person telling their version of events rarely admits they were to blame for the other person’s behavior, or if they do, they downplay what they did.
We see an example of this when Americans talk about the American Revolutionary war. They present themselves as the underdog who bravely and courageously fought against a tyrannical British government. But when the British tell the story of the American Revolution, they’re version is from the standpoint that they were merely trying to stamp out a group of treasonous rebels who were stirring up trouble and inciting the colonist to be disloyal to their own government.
Whenever the Egyptian or Babylonians, or the Assyrians won a great battle, they inscribed in stone scenes of their battles, and they always depicted themselves as having been hugely victorious. Yet, they never mention how many soldiers they lost or the barbaric acts they committed. But when they lost a battle, they remained relatively quiet about it.
And we tend to do the same thing in our personal lives. The scriptures tell us that “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the LORD pondereth the hearts” (Proverbs 1:2). When we get into an argument with someone, we almost always feel that our position is the right one, or if we tell a lie, we think nothing of it, or if we hold a grudge, our attitude is that we’re exhibiting righteous indignation.
When people say or do something they know is wrong, it’s normal for them to make excuses as a way of justifying their behavior, but when people say or do something they think is right, they feel no need to justify their actions.
Many Christians who are striving to live the gospel, think of themselves as being good member of Christ’s church, but should someone point out their faults, in many cases, they become defensive as though they’re being unfairly criticized, or they become angry, feeling they are being unjustly accused.
The gospel of Jesus Christ is all about improving ourselves, and to do that requires repenting of our sins, but repentance is more than just admitting we’ve done something wrong. Repentance more fully means to turn away from our sins and forsake them (D&C 58:43).
However, before someone can truly repent, they first have to admit to themselves that what they are doing is out of harmony with the gospel of Jesus Christ, because if they feel there is nothing wrong with their behavior, then they will feel no need to repent and change. But in saying this, it should be noted that this is very different from someone who knows they’re doing something they shouldn’t and are at least striving to make an effort to correct their behavior, regardless of how imperfect that effort may be.
Then, how can we keep from falling into this kind of blind, one-sided thinking? The solution to this problem is being humble.
The definition of humble is: “an attitude of thinking better of others than of oneself. It encompasses being kind and patient with others. It is the opposite of being proud, arrogant, assertive or confrontational.” With that understanding, let’s apply this definition to the problem we’ve been discussing.
When people argue with others it’s solely because one person thinks their position is absolutely right and they become determined to prove to the other person that their position is wrong. This then becomes a contest like two fighters in a ring who are trying to score a knock-out punch that will leave the other combatant unable to recover from the blow, and they do this by offering some kind of “evidence” they think the other person can’t refute. But that rarely happens.
And if a knock-out punch is not possible, then the strategy becomes to land as many verbal blows on the opponent as possible while trying to keep from being knocked out by the other person. The ultimate goal for each person in this contest is to walk away from the argument feeling they’ve won the fight, even if that victory is only in their own mind.
But instead of being physically hurt, arguments are fought to keep one’s own ego from being bruised. It’s a matter of making sure that they are not proven wrong because that is humiliating. And even if someone knows they’re wrong, they can’t admit it without losing their self-respect.
In a situation like this, both parties are not thinking about the needs of the other person. The only thing each of them are concentrating on is their own needs, and the idea of showing kindness to the person they’re talking to never enters their mind. This kind of thinking is the very definition of being prideful. It is also the definition of being arrogant.
But when we learn to be humble, we care more about the needs of the other person rather than becoming fixated on protecting our own self interests. To be humble in this kind of a situation means that we don’t care who’s right or who’s wrong. What’s more important is protecting the relationship between us and them.
Dishonesty is another form of pride. When we lie to someone, it’s usually to protect ourselves from being harmed in some way. When we steal from someone, it’s because we want something they have without paying for it. Both of these actions are forms of selfishness.
No one likes it when someone steals something of theirs, and if we wouldn’t want someone doing that to us, then neither does the person we’re stealing from. A humble person doesn’t take what doesn’t belong to them because they want to treat others the way they would like others to treat them.
When someone holds a grudge, they are only concerned about their own feelings and are not the least bit concerned about the feelings of those they dislike. They are only interested in seeing that justice is served, while the humble person seeks to find ways to apply mercy.
The person who is judgmental of the actions of others shows neither kindness nor mercy towards them. This attitude is rooted in a feeling of pride, where someone thinks they are better than someone else. Instead of thinking of the needs of others to feel loved and accepted, they’re more interested in preserving their own self-worth, while being blind to, or overlooking how they themselves are not measuring up.
One common reason why people judge others harshly is because they are judgmental of themselves. It’s a psychological trick they play whereby they tear others down in an effort to gain a degree of comfort by thinking they’re no worse than anyone else. In other words, they bring others down to their level, or lower, since they feel they can’t measure up to a higher level.
On the other hand, those who are humble remember the scripture that says, “Judge not that ye be not judged. For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” (Matthew 7:1,2), and they seek to let that guide their actions, even when judging themselves.
What we see is that the solution to all these problems is learning to be humble. But how do we do that?
For most people, that’s not easy, because our natural tendency is to be concerned about making sure our needs are met first, and this has been ingrained in us from the time we were born. When we’re hungry we look for something to eat. When we’re cold, we look for ways to get warm. When we’re hurt, we look for something to relieve our pain. When we feel threatened, our first reaction is to defend ourselves. No one has to teach us how to do these things because all this comes naturally. It’s instinctive.
What we need to be taught is how to care about the needs of others the same way we care about our own needs. This is what it means to love our neighbor as ourselves.
Of course, it’s easy to be kind to those who don’t threaten us, but it can be rather difficult to care about those who have hurt us. It’s easy to be honest when there’s no penalty for being truthful, but it is challenging when being honest will get us in trouble. It’s easy to forgive someone for a minor offense that has little to no effect upon us, but it takes a great amount of effort when someone has deeply hurt us.
Then how do we learn to do that?
The answer is found in the gospel of Jesus Christ as taught by ancient and modern prophets of God. However, as we have already discussed, most members of Christ’s restored church feel they know what God expects of them and feel they’re striving to live it to the best of their ability. The problem isn’t that they don’t know the gospel, but rather that they are blind to those times when they don’t live it.
The solution to this problem is applying the scriptures to ourselves. When reading them we should ask ourselves, “How can I live this principle better in my life?” None of us live the gospel perfectly and we all fail at doing that almost on a daily basis, but the way to become humble is by striving to become a better Christian. The gospel is all about improving ourselves spiritually. It’s about us as individuals progressing from one level of spirituality to a higher level.
On the other hand, those who are not trying to improve tell themselves to “fear God—he will justify in committing a little sin; yea, lie a little, take the advantage of one because of his words, dig a pit for thy neighbor; there is no harm in this; and do all these things, for tomorrow we die; and if it so be that we are guilty, God will beat us with a few stripes, and at last we shall be saved in the kingdom of God” (2 Nephi 28:8).
It is difficult to be humble, and it takes effort, but if we focus on trying to become more humble, we will find doing just that one thing will correct a lot of our other problems The strange thing is that the more humble we become, the softer our hearts become, and when that happens, the more the Holy Spirit can impress his message on us. And when that happens. the more it leads to us becoming more like Christ.
Related articles can be found at The Nature of Man