A SACRED RESPONSIBILITY

The apostle Peter wrote a letter to the Christians who were "scattered throughout [the areas of] Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia, and Bithynia," giving them counsel and instruction on how they were to conduct their life as believers in Christ. In that letter he said, "Slaves, in reverent fear of God, submit yourselves to your masters, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh…. Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word [of God], they also may without [saying any] word be won by the conversation of the wives" (1 Peter 2:18; 3:1 NIV).

In like manner, the apostle Paul told the saints living in Corinth that the husband is the head of the wife (1 Corinthians 11:3) and that the wife is to be in subjection to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22). In the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints it is taught that the family is patriarchal in nature, meaning that the husband presides, or is in charge of, what goes on in the home. Unfortunately, there are both men and women who have interpreted these verses of scripture to mean that God allows husbands to have complete and dictatorial authority in their home and that wives are required to meekly submit themselves to whatever abuse their husband seeks to inflict upon them.

Understandably, women instinctively rebel against such a concept of marriage and therefore want to dismiss this biblical counsel, often arguing that they are man's equal and therefore marriage is a union of two people who have equal power and exercise equal authority in the home. In other words, instead of there being one head of the family, there are two heads - one being the husband and the other being the wife.

This is why marriage is often referred to as being a 50/50 partnership. This is also why when children get a "no" answer from one parent, they will go to the other parent hoping to get a "yes" answer to their request. After all, if both parents have equal authority then a "yes" answer from one parent is just as valid as a "no" answer from the other parent.

On the other hand, there are men who point to these verses of scripture to justify making all the decisions in the family, especially when adding the admonition that children are to obey their parents (Ephesians 6:1; Colossians 3:20). Usually these are the kind of men who dictate to their family members what will be done, often overriding any objections their wife or children may have, counsel they may give, or requests they may make. These are the kind of men who take seriously their role as the "king of the house."

However, this is not what the Bible teaches, nor it is what the LDS Church means when they say that the family is patriarchal in nature and that the father presides in the home. The reason why people tend to misconstrue the scriptures on this point is that they don't have an accurate understanding of God's pattern for the family.

Christians refer to God as "Our Father, which art in heaven," and the scriptures often refer to us as "children of God." That is a family relationship, with God, our Father, in charge of and presiding over us, His children. Earthly children are commanded to obey their earthly parents, in the same way children of God are commanded to obey their Father in heaven. This is the divine pattern that God has established.

In many of His parables Jesus likened Himself to being the groom and the church as being His bride, and the scriptures refer to Jesus as the head of the church. If God, as a Father, presides over us, His children, and Jesus is the groom and we, as the church, are His bride, then the admonition given by the apostles that earthly husbands and fathers are to preside over their family and that wives and other family members are to obey him follows the same pattern that Jesus uses in His church. Therefore, if God and Jesus are held in sacred reverence for the positions they hold, then the role of a husband and father is likewise a sacred position.

However, Jesus also taught that we are to become "perfect, even as your Father which art in heaven is perfect" (Matthew 5:48), therefore, if husbands are to preside over their family in the same way that God presides over His family, then they must strive to follow the example set by God. For that reason it becomes crucially important that husbands and fathers gain an accurate understanding of how God fulfills His responsibilities towards us.

Jesus told His disciples, "Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which today is, and tomorrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you" (Matthew 6:28-30),

The first thing that God does as a Father is to provide for the physical needs of His children - food, clothing, housing, etc. - and He does this in abundance out of compassion and care for His children. As the groom, Jesus provides for the spiritual needs of His bride, the Church, showering upon those who love Him numerous gifts of the Spirit.

As the presiding authority in the home, husbands and fathers have the same responsibility to provide for the physical and spiritual needs of each member of their family. Furthermore, the scriptures clearly state that fathers are responsible for bringing up their children "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4), that "they shall also teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord" (D&C 68:28), "And that ye may teach the children of Israel all the statutes which the Lord hath spoken" (Leviticus 10:11).

As the presiding authority in the home, fathers have the responsibility to personally see to it that the spiritual needs of their children are being met by making sure they are being taught the principles of the gospel. This means that the spiritual wellbeing and salvation of their children ultimately becomes the responsibility of the father. When understood in its correct light, the role of a father becomes a very sacred and extremely important responsibility.

But with responsibility comes accountability. The Lord has said that "inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents" (D&C 68:25). Since it is the man who presides in the home, he is the one ultimately accountable to God for making sure that his children are taught the principles of the gospel.

The scriptures repeatedly tell us that the ways of God are just, ethical, honest, honorable, decent and proper. This is what it means to be righteous. If God is righteous then husbands and fathers are likewise under commandment to deal righteously with their wife and children, just as God does with us. The scriptures tell us to judge righteously (John 7:24) and Paul tells us, "Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath (e.g. anger)" (Ephesians 6:4). Dealing harshly, being unreasonable, using a double standard, being selfish, or yelling at children often causes them to respond in a similar manner.

The Lord has admonished us that "No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned" (D&C 121:41). Everything in the gospel is calculated to bring peace, joy, and comfort into the lives of people. It uplifts, edifies, inspires and exalts us as individuals. The gospel doesn't use coercion, intimidation, threats or force to get people to follow Christ, and the same principle applies to getting people to follow the presiding authority in the home.

The gospel teaches that we are to treat others as we would want to be treated ourselves and the overriding principle of righteousness upon which all other principles are built is love and concern for the welfare of others. These are not the traits of a dictator but that of a servant and, indeed, a father's responsibility is to serve the needs of his family, not demand that they do his bidding.

A presiding authority is a leader, and a leader is someone people look to for advice, guidance, and direction. A true leader is an example for people to follow, and people follow a leader, not because they have to but because they want to. Therefore, as the presiding head of his family, the father is responsible for taking the lead in making sure that his home is a place where the Spirit of the Lord can dwell, where there is no contention, where happiness and peace abound, where kindness, sympathy, compassion, and understanding prevail, and where all members feel loved, appreciated, and accepted.

But for that kind of an atmosphere to exist in the home the father must take the lead in making it happen. He cannot abdicate that responsibility and leave it solely to his wife to make their home a bit of heaven on earth. If Christ is our example and He presides over His Church then, as the head of the home, husbands and fathers likewise have the same responsibility to set the example for their family to follow. That's what it means to be a leader. And when a husband and father sets that kind of an example, his family will be much more willing to follow his lead, without compulsion, coercion or heavy handed pressure.

However, even after all of this, there is still yet a greater significance to what it means to preside in the home.

The scriptures talk a lot about the "kingdom of God" but there are several things that make up a kingdom. First and foremost is a king who rules over or governs others. That means that in order to have a kingdom you must have some form of government, and in order to have a government you must have rules. If there are no rules then people can do whatever they want without any consequences. Therefore the second thing that is needed for a kingdom is rules or laws.

The third thing that is needed in a kingdom are administrators; people who administer the laws and insure that people are following them. Obviously, the king, who is an administrator himself, cannot do everything by himself, so he must have others working under him to make sure that the laws of the kingdom are being obeyed.

The fourth thing needed for a kingdom is people who are subject to the king. A king rules over people and where there are no people there cannot be a kingdom. But in order for a king to rule over people, they must be willing to be in subjection to him. If people don't want to recognize the authority of a king, then he has to use force to make them comply with his wishes, but this kind of a situation is one in which rebellion is a constant threat to the king's authority.

In the kingdom of heaven there is a king who sits on a throne and who rules over people. However, this king does not force people to be subject to Him. Rather, only those who want to honor and accept God as their king are allowed citizenship in His kingdom. But to be a citizen of heaven means being willing to obey the laws of that kingdom, and those laws are based on the principles of righteousness and they are administered by people who are likewise righteous.

The word "crown" appears twenty-three times in the New Testament, mostly in reference to those who live in heaven, and the scriptures plainly state that those who go to heaven will be given a "crown of life" and be made "kings and priests" (Revelation 1:6; 5:10). But a king has to have people to rule over or else he is king over nothing, and those over whom he rules have to be willing to accept the authority of their king and want to live by his laws.

If those who go to heaven will be given a crown, then that raises the question of who will they be king over? The teaching of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is that men and women who have been sealed together as husband and wife for all eternity and have been valiant in keeping their covenants with God will be able to do what our Father in heaven has done. If God is our Father and we are His children and He is our king and we are subject to Him, then when we become kings in heaven we too will have the ability to have children who will be subject to us. This is the eternal pattern of heaven.

The first commandment God gave to Adam and Eve was to "multiply and replenish the earth" (Genesis 1:28). Why did God give them that commandment? Obviously to create more people to populate the earth, but in order for them to keep this commandment men and women had to get married. But why marriage? Why not let man do what the animals do and have offspring with whoever they can mate with?

The answer is that marriage is an eternal principle and so is having children. Therefore, as people marry, have children, and raise them up in righteousness, they are learning to do the very thing that God does - have children and raise them up in righteousness. Therefore, marriage here on earth is practice for what we will do in heaven, which is what God is doing with us.

Women cannot become a king. Although they can wear a crown as a queen, only men become kings, and it is the king who presides and rules in a kingdom. Therefore, the reason why God has set man to preside in the home is to train him to someday be worthy and capable of being a presiding eternal king in heaven, to rule and reign over his heavenly posterity just as our Father in heaven now does with us. This is the pattern of heaven in the kingdom of God.

But, before we can become a heavenly king, we first have to learn to live by the rules or laws which govern God's kingdom, and those laws are based on the principles of righteousness. Therefore, husbands and fathers in this life have to learn how to preside in righteousness if they ever hope to someday administer those same eternal laws to their heavenly offspring.

We general think of God as someone who has all power and who can do whatever He wants and that it is us who have to serve Him, but the reality is that it is God who serves us. Without Him we are helpless. We are like children who must obey their parents but who are also totally dependent on them for everything we have. Children think that parents can do whatever they want but it is the parents who work hard serving and sacrificing for the needs of their children.

If a man wants to someday become a heavenly king, he must learn how to serve those whom he governs. If a husband and father presides in unrighteousness in his home, behaving like a dictator by demanding his way, he is not prepared to be a heavenly king because he has not learned how to administer the laws of the kingdom of God, and if he cannot properly administer them he is not worthy to be given any eternal presiding authority.

When husbands and fathers come to understand that they are in training to learn how to someday be worthy of a far greater weight of glory as a presiding head over a heavenly kingdom, then they will better understand what is expected of them and more readily preside in righteousness. It's when men, and women, don't understand this concept that they become easily lead astray by the popular philosophies of the day or give into their own natural desires to do things their own way.

God is not just trying to populate the world. His plan for His children is far grander than that. He wants us to have what He has and be able to do what He does so we can enjoy the fullness of joy that he is able to experience. This is why the role of a husband and father is so important and is such a sacred responsibility.


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